Solace in the midst of storms
A curious thing happened during my week at the Workshops. The sky, the horizon, the colors, the clouds – things that normally provide me with great comfort – held little interest.
I struggled. With everything. Nothing felt right, and under that vast sky, I began to look inward. One day, I put down my camera, sat on a rock, and cried. I cried because I didn’t tryst myself, didn’t trust my vision, didn’t know if I even had a vision. I cried because I didn’t know what else to do. I was reminded of the words of songwriter Bruce Cockburn, who admits to “ranting in self doubt.” I did my fair share of ranting.
I wanted to give up. I wanted to keep going. I loved what I was doing. And I hated it.
Then another curious thing happened: a series of images gradually found their way to me. They lined themselves up in an order that depicted my struggle, and I am grateful to them for showing me the path that I have traveled and for hinting at what’s to come. I’m not there yet; I haven’t even figured out where “there” is. But I sense a turn in the right direction.
***
My profound thanks to Brett Erickson, who led the workshop and without whose patience and support I could not have written these words.
Photo Number Seven: Santa Fe Photographic Workshops
near Abuquiu, New Mexico
photographed 7.2.14
The complete series can be seen here.
Posted on July 14, 2014, in Photography and tagged 365 photo project, abiquiu, abuquiu new mexico, black and white photography, brett erickson, melinda green harvey, monochrome, new mexico, one day one image, photo a day, photography, Santa Fe Photographic Workshops. Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.
One Day | One Image 
Beautiful shot!
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Thank you very much!
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I don’t think there ever was an artist, living or dead, that didn’t have self-doubt at one time or another. I think it’s part of the creative process.
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I know you’re right, but sometimes it just seems so HARD….
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Just a speed bump on the way to a new vision, my friend. And you’re already a new shooter! I can’t wait to see where this takes you….
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I can’t wait, either! You played a very important role in this new vision – thanks again for everything!
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A lovely image. For what it’s worth I’ve been reminded time and again that life and photography are similar; part vision and part process. The two aren’t always in sync but when they are life is good. Good luck.
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Thanks, Steven – it’s just getting them in sync that’s the trick!
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Indeed, Melinda, it is the trip, not so much the destination, that counts the most… or so I tell myself 🙂
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I have the very same conversation with myself, too! And sometimes I even believe it.
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Thank you for writing this, Melinda.
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…and thank you for reading it, Linda!
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Brave words to write, Melinda. I’ve loved the images that found their way onto your blog from that Workshop. I would say two things. Firstly I think there are times when we can over-think. Photography is best when it is spontaneous, almost subconscious, when our creativity flows free from any other concern. Secondly a workshop environment can feel pressurized. A sense of competition and the fear of: ‘how am I going to match up to these other folk’. And also the requirement to perform. Photography is never a performance. But it can feel like it when we are producing work to be compared with others who are ‘unknowns’. The greatest freedom I now have is that my photography is totally for my own pleasure, it’s not taken for competition or exhibition as we commonly understand it. I also write what I want to write on my blog. I am my own editor. And as a consequence it is fun – I can be myself. There is no pressure. And, by the way, I love this image and the almost posterized tones.
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Thank you, Andy, for such a well-spoken comment.
Most of the pressure at the workshop was my own; I’d sensed for a while that I was getting tired of the work I’d been producing and needed to see what other directions I could go. I wanted to take advantage of spending a week with Brett Erickson, who has become a friend and a mentor, and wring as much knowledge from him as I could. He’s very big on having an over-arching concept and shooting, always, for the concept. That’s completely different from my usual way of shooting, which is mostly to just shoot what catches my attention. (Evidently “what catches my attention” is not actually a concept, according to Brett.) I can see from looking at his work and from having many long conversations with him that if I can do that my body of work will be stronger; don’t tell anyone, but I hope to be able to move forward with getting in more shows and in galleries….
But aside from that – you are exactly right about the pressures of producing work during workshops; the same thing has happened at writing workshops I have attended. Although writing and photographing are (usually, mostly) solitary endeavors, sometimes it’s hard to get better without feedback from others, which is what I was after when I’d go to writing workshops.
But, even with the artistic/personal struggles I had while I was in Santa Fe, I came away with a better idea of where I am headed, and quite a bit more technical knowledge than I’d arrived with. (I am NOT a technical photographer, but see that’s an area where I need to improve.)
In short, the struggles were worth it.
The blog is easy, mostly, as long as I don’t get bored. I have fun writing the posts, and enjoy the comments I get, and the friends I’ve made.
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I really look forward to seeing where your photography heads, Melinda. The ‘concept’ sounds very much like the idea of developing a style. A worthy objective. I’ve two quotes for you from Ed Graham: ‘Finding your own style is one of the most important things you can do to improve your photography’ and ‘Don’t be a prisoner of your own style’. The second is just as important. Shooting outside one’s developing ‘concept’ will lead to more creative ideas – cross-fertilisation. I’ve never found a style. For me the world feels too big for me to confine my work to any one thread. But I am envious of others who have found that niche, that concept, that personal style.
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Yes, I look forward to that as well! I’ve got a long-ignored project with photos of roadside memorials paired with written pieces (some poetry, some essays) that seems to be wanted some attention, so maybe I’ll head that way. But that’s OLD photography, some of it 15 years old and shot with cheap point-and-shoot film cameras. New stuff? Some glimmers of ideas but nothing quite yet.
Actually, that’s not true. I have an idea that’s bee nagging at me that involves a book of poetry written by my great-aunt, and photos from Louisiana and Nova Scotia. I think that will probably have to wait – especially the part about going to Nova Scotia – until I’m not working full time. But in the meantime, I can read and think and plan and write. And that’s sort of the hard part, anyway!
One thing I learned when I was writing a lot more than I do now is to try to not worry when the ideas aren’t there, but just have the confidence that my brain is working harder than I realize and something will show up. To date, that’s always worked out.
I do know what you mean about the world seeming too big for one concept/style, and that’s something I am still mulling over.
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Sounds like you have moved past this difficult threshold. It will be interesting to see where you head next!
Nice shot btw – water is even more rare in your photos than people, nice to see some!
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Do you think it would break the internet if I posted pictures of people IN water?
I had a similar sort of thing happen to be when I first starting writing – not grants and junk for work, but “real” writing. Growing pains, I suppose. When it happened before, one of my writing mentors told me, “I knew this was coming.” and said he didn’t warn me because I wouldn’t have believed him.
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Well – it probably would not. The internet knows how to handle that kind of shot. Pictures of water IN people on the other hand could cause some problems.
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If you’re sure it will be OK, then I will try to see what I can do…
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Well, you need to go somewhere with warm enough water for people to actually want to get into it. Not much of that kind of water around here which is why you don’t see too many shots of people in water on my blog.
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When I was 4, my family went on a vacation to California. The family legend is that I fussed for MILES as we drove up the coast, because I wanted to get in the ocean. Finally my dad stopped so I could (shut up about the damn ocean). That first wave hit me, and I was done.
So I know what you mean about cold water.
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A formative moment from the sounds of it, and the content of your photos too..
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Well, I did have a fear of water for a while after that….
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What is art-making without a little crisis every now and then?! I so relate.
Your work often blows me away, Melinda. You see things like no other person.
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Maybe the crises are what makes it art?
Thank you for your very kind comments about my work; it’s always good to know when what we do means something to someone else.
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