A curious thing happened during my week at the Workshops. The sky, the horizon, the colors, the clouds – things that normally provide me with great comfort – held little interest.

I struggled. With everything. Nothing felt right, and under that vast sky, I began to look inward. One day, I put down my camera, sat on a rock, and cried. I cried because I didn’t tryst myself, didn’t trust my vision, didn’t know if I even had a vision. I cried because I didn’t know what else to do. I was reminded of the words of songwriter Bruce Cockburn, who admits to “ranting in self doubt.” I did my fair share of ranting.

I wanted to give up. I wanted to keep going. I loved what I was doing. And I hated it.

Then another curious thing happened: a series of images gradually found their way to me. They lined themselves up in an order that depicted my struggle, and I am grateful to them for showing me the path that I have traveled and for hinting at what’s to come. I’m not there yet; I haven’t even figured out where “there” is. But I sense a turn in the right direction.

***
My profound thanks to Brett Erickson, who led the workshop and without whose patience and support I could not have written these words.

Photo Number Seven: Santa Fe Photographic Workshops

near Abuquiu, New Mexico
photographed 7.2.14

The complete series can be seen here.